However, on those occasions when I do yield to that kind of thinking again, it's very frustrating. I get disgusted and used to even think, "What's the use? It's not going to get any better." I actually used to tell myself I should forget about coming out of homosexuality and just be thankful for what I have gained. But I know such thoughts are lies, nasty little deceptions from the enemy! Trash talk!! GOD has more GoODness for me, I know HE does! And HE has more for you too!!
I think about one of the blind men JESUS healed. Touching his eyes, JESUS asked, "What do you see?" The man said, "I see men, but they look like walking trees." So JESUS gave him a second touch. Now if this man couldn't see at all, surely seeing men, even if as trees, had to be enough for him! That would've made me run around hollering Praise and Glory!! But JESUS didn't leave the job half done. HE gave that man that "Second Touch".
It's the same with me. He has brought me so far, but there is still some fine-tuning needed to be completed. The first touch was the conviction and HIS Strength to stop acting out, to choose other thoughts rather than fantasy. Now HE grants me HIS second touch so that I will not be left incomplete, or still partially "blind".
It's a real improvement not to be chasing after part-time, temporary satisfaction or affirmation in other people--even if only in my head. My quality of Life is like nothing I had ever experienced when living in that dark lgbt movement. I am becoming more secure in my identity, in who I am in CHRIST JESUS. Still, there are more places GOD wants, and needs, to heal. HE wants me to Love without fear, to be intimate, keeping appropriate boundaries, and to reflect HIS image to those around me.
I've come a long way, Praise GOD! But GOD wants me to keep on that narrow way that leads to even more that HE already has planned out for me, not straying to one side or the other, but pressing on by HIS Strength, HIS Grace. When you feel discouraged, go to The MASTER for a second touch, maybe even a third and fourth. HE Loves us and wants to complete the Good work which HE began in us.
Dear Heavenly FATHER, Please forgive me for letting continued struggles dishearten me. Help me to walk by Faith, never surrendering to feeling, never accepting anything less than YOUR best for me. Please grant that I may keep on keeping on until I reach YOUR goal for me, from Glory to Glory unto Perfection. I Praise YOU, Glorify YOU and Lift YOUR Name on High as I Pray to YOU in The Powerful and Mighty Name of my LORD & SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST. Amen.