Why couldn't I overcome this? What was going on with me? Am I truly Saved? Is this all for real? These are some of the questions I used to ask myself. I was definitely not ready for the answers!
Some key elements are usually missing when we stumble often. For one thing, we try to solve the problem all alone. Our arrogance keeps us from looking to The CHRIST. Our shame keeps us from reaching out to GOD’S People. Our pride makes us unwilling to take direction from anyone. We remain alone and "in charge", but, alone, we absolutely cannot make the transition to Holiness.
It's not that we don’t try. And it’s not that I didn’t try, but I kept attempting to do all the right things on the outside, while hanging on to the past with its hurts and pleasures on the inside and I would even use those things to justify my behavior. The real problem was that I was unwilling to die to self. I hung on to my independence with all my might. I kept telling myself, "I don't need anybody! I'm better than others I know. I can do this! I got this! I am strong enough to handle this!"
The Truth is that all my sin was inside. It made me feel powerful and in control and it fed my arrogance.
I finally came to know YESHUA, JESUS The CHRIST, and surrendered in order to be truly Free. I learned that when the devil attacks, it is not I who fights the battle, but my FATHER in Heaven fights it for me!
I have surrendered unconditionally and was Filled with HIS Holy Spirit, being buried with HIM in baptism, knowing that I must die to self and recognize who I am, what I am, Who dwells within me and The Power and Authority I have to bind those dark spirits that attempt to oppress me!
The recognition of what is "of this world and my old nature" and what is "of HIM" is a pretty scary place when you have many around you cheering you on. Especially when you are on the wrong path but cannot see that. Surrendering to HIM totally and allowing HIS Holy Spirit to lead, guide and reveal is the key.
I never would've imagined that I could ever embrace my Same-Sex Attraction and walk it out, while also remaining in a right, pleasing and acceptable relationship with my FATHER in heaven! And I never would have been able to get on the path that HE planned for me if I didn't receive (from HIM) and accept the Courage to stand against those that were cheering me on amidst their own failings and false teachings... yes, The Church.
I Praise YOU, FATHER GOD. I Praise YOU for breaking the power of my sin at The Cross. I Praise YOU for opening my eyes to the Truth. Please, keep me by YOUR Power Alone. I Pray in The Mighty, Powerful and Precious Name of YESHUA, JESUS The CHRIST. Amen.
Reading Revelation 3:14-22...